you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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