my phone needs a breathalizer
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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