you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize