wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
