Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
