I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
