I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
