Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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