After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
