would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
