i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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