Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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