look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
