hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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