I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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