I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
