Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
