at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dignity is for republicans.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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