I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
