A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize