i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
