I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
