im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Girls should come with a carfax report
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
