a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
