weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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