Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
