i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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