bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
