Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize