Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
