No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
