This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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