What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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