Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
