I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
