you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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