Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
