Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My liver just had a heart attack.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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