I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
