I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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