im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So vagazzling was a success
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
