I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize