VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
