My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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