i jhust puked up my retainher.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
