I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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