i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
