Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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