New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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