Rock
Scissors
Fuck
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
