We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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