remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
