sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
