I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
