shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
