Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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