I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
