he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
