the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
