I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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