Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
