At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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