Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
