how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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