So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
