Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
