Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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