We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
