Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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