I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
