guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize