Just fell off a train. Bad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
