i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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