Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
bring money and cleavage
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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