Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
