if i can run in heels then i can drive
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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