i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
