why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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